Transitions, Transformations and a Little Photography
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Courage
Courage is often defined as the ability to tolerate and be with the discomfort of fear, or put a simpler way feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I was thinking that there are degrees of courage or perhaps there are circumstances where someone overcomes a greater challenge, but when I dig in deeper I think that I’m confusing bravery with courage. When I looked up the meaning of the words and contrasted them, there seemed to be one clear differentiating aspect - forethought or intent. Bravery is more about taking action without thinking about the consequences or not fearing the consequences, whereas courage is taking action after giving thought to the consequences and feeling the fear, but being intent on still taking the action. There is an implication that courage is about wrestling with personal demons, acknowledging them, but not letting them rule our actions.
Play
Well I feel like I’ve been pretty serious lately with my posts and now that the grey fog has lifted (see this post if you missed it) it’s good to have more uplifting fun topics to talk about. I’ve been doing a deep dive into the book Play by Stuart Brown and it seems to be very timely as I’m in the middle of a great break which includes time with an old friend, a writing retreat and time with a photography friend - there is a lot of play involved in this trip with very little seriousness at all! Who doesn’t love a good rainy November in Wales?
I find that I can get caught up in a very serious cycle where my sense of humour seems to have gone for a walkabout. The best thing for me to do at these times is take a break and find something to have a good belly laugh about then start to focus on having fun - in other words a good session of play does the trick.
The Sage Inner Voice
There are times when I feel like it’s getting a bit crowded inside my head - yes I’m one of those people who can really get stuck in my head and then the different stories start to spin and all those voices take on a different perspective of the story and wow it can get busy and noisy in there. What is often not as easy to do is to slow down the hubbub and focus on that small quiet voice - the one that is not loud and overbearing, but persistent nonetheless. I like that little voice - it is often the one that speaks common sense or at least asks questions that prompt me to re-examine thoughts that I felt were etched in stone facts.
I’m not sure when I started being aware of that little voice inside or even when I stopped giving it equal air time, but as I’ve grown older that voice has become more and more important to me.
Into The Future
I’m not usually one who bemoans birthdays or growing older as I feel it is part of life. It feels like embracing aging helps my mind to be more at ease with the inevitable shifts and changes. Maybe it’s because I have some great mentors in this - a wonderful friend of mine is turning 95 this autumn and she has celebrated life and aging in ways that are truly inspirational. There is a softness and ease with which she treats herself as the years accumulate as well as a brightness, joy and gratitude to the way she greets each day. This isn’t to say there aren’t and haven’t bee challenges to be faced on a daily basis, however these don’t become the central focus of her time and attention.
Some key things that I’ve noticed and noted about aging reflect more about attitude and mindset than most other things. There are a lot of researchers saying that to age well (not sure what that means exactly) one needs to never retire
Extremes/Cold Plunge
I’ve often said that I have a tendency to an all or nothing mentality and by that I mean that I’ve got to give 100% or I’m not doing it - that perfectionist approach that has the potential to be so limiting. That all or nothing mentality is also what causes me to grin and bear it - power through - whatever way you want to say it - I can ignore pretty much anything going on inside of me and just focus on the end goal. Needless to say there are occasions when that results in a total breakdown of some part of me (getting sick is a big one, back spasms or other sundry aches and pains). I think it’s my body’s way of saying - you should have listened to us in the first place, but since you didn’t we’re letting you know that we’re on strike for the foreseeable future.
The Why Rather Than the What or How
I have just finished a week at a photography retreat in Kingsbrae Gardens, New Brunswick with Freeman Patterson. This is my second time attending this retreat and I have again found myself to be inspired, uplifted and just moved to a new place in understanding why I do what I do with my camera.
The week is not a workshop - there is no learning new technique or trying to understand the technicalities of my camera or craft - it is about delving into the Why. The week is filled with conversations, visits to artists working in different media and open time to spend photographing in the gardens or around town - any way we wish to use the time.
Judgment
My knee jerk response is no - I’m a pretty accepting and open person who really frowns on being judgy, but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself - I do it in subtle ways that can sometimes fool me into thinking that I don’t.
I came to this realization recently on our Zambian safari trip. It’s always interesting to observe the interactions and dynamics when strangers put together by circumstances (chosen vacation location) first meet and start up conversations. There is the initial pleasantries and then the inevitable where are you from, what do you do for a living, do you have children (I always feel judged when I answer no), have you been on safari before and what are you hoping to see?
Grounded or Floating
I think that we all have a go to or more natural state - at least I know that I do. When I was in university I learned about entropy (thermodynamics was not my favourite subject, but this I do remember) - without exerting external force, systems tend to move towards states of higher disorder. Think of most teenagers’ rooms - those clothes and books and junk don’t miraculously put themselves away.
I think that it is similar for my current preference of resting state - in the absence of me exerting effort to maintain an organized and orderly schedule, I tend to feel like everything gets wildly out of control. In fact I like to think of myself as a homebody - one who enjoys a routine and familiar surroundings and people.
Scarcity Mindset
The strict definition of scarcity is when demand for something outstrips supply or the basic premise that there is a finite amount of human and non human resources, so at some point there will be a shortage. This term has come to be associated increasingly with our mental condition and is often referred to as the scarcity mindset which is a belief that resources we rely on to live and survive (e.g., money, time, love or opportunities) are limited and less than is required to satisfy our needs. This results in a focus on what is lacking - much like the gap in the term the gap versus the gain which I wrote about in this post- the focus is on what I don’t have (whether it is real or significant) rather than what I do have. I like to think of this as the opposite of the gratitude mindset which is when I am grateful for the abundance of the wonderful things in my life rather than focusing on what is missing.
Rituals - Why They Can be so Important
A ritual is defined as a structured or repeated sequence of acts with a formal component to them. They can be seen as transitions or rites of passage such as weddings, funerals or graduations. Participating in rituals can be very grounding or help reduce anxiety, or even shift internal focus or perceptions. They can also form an important component of social bonding as people who share rituals have a common point of reference.
We often create personal or informal rituals such as morning coffee to start our workdays, or clearing email inboxes, or brushing teeth and relaxing in preparation for bedtime.
Focus - Attention and Savouring Life
How many times have we heard this phrase as we were growing up - attending a boring event or classes at school. I’ve just finished reading a book titled Rapt by Winnifred Gallagher and I must say that it has been very impactful and not really what I expected. That’s a great combination in my mind and it makes it easy to recommend this book for those interested in attention or living a more focused life.
Early in the book is a quote by Ellen Langer who says that “the term mindfulness wouldn’t be necessary if most people didn’t have such an impoverished, static understanding of what ‘paying attention means’.” Let me start off by saying that I am rather envious of Langer’s ability to put together words and the way she turns a phrase - it tickles my brain.
In the waiting
I’ve had a very impactful few weeks where some random interactions have left their mark on me and I’ve continued to think about them long after spending time with these people. Two very good friends are having a tough time - suffering - and there is very little that I can do (I hate feeling helpless!). My first reaction/response is to try and fix it - help them - make it better, but I can’t. However, there are things that I can do like offer support - let them know I care and am thinking of them. These are small things, but maybe they matter more than the big grand gestures.
I have been sending one friend random texts of photos that I’ve taken - just something to distract her or let her know I’m thinking of her. More than anything it’s that connection - that knowing we’re not alone that I think is important. Or perhaps I’m annoying the heck out of her and she’s too Canadian to tell me to quit it - I don’t think that is likely, but the thought does occur to me.
Expectations and Growth
It’s ironic that this is a common theme for me in my writings - expectations - disappointment and growth. Maybe there is something here for me to learn - or relearn - or keep on learning. The excitement of the first day of the retreat led me to expect all sorts of amazing photographs to be made in subsequent outings and the morning of day 2 just didn’t live up to those expectations.
Interestingly we’d had a conversation about something similar the evening before - Jean-Pierre spoke of a workshop he’d been to many years ago where he’d been given an assignment the first day and he’d nailed it! The feedback and discussion were full of promise and potential - leading him to think that he understood what he was at the workshop to learn - bring on the next assignment please! Unfortunately, things did not pan out as expected - the next image did not live up to his expectations of feedback
Paradox - Contronyms
I imagine that when some people read the title to this week’s post there were some curious or even confused looks - like where is she going with this or what the heck is she talking about now. I’ve been really enjoying some challenging reading lately which has caused my brain to stretch into different areas that I usually don’t think about or consider. This often causes me to either go around in circles, tie myself up in knots trying to work through things or figure them out - which is a good thing in my view.
I have been reading about paradox (ie., something that seems contradictory or against common thought, but may be true upon investigation) and I really like that idea - the juxtaposition of these apparently contradictory items and then curiosity leading to a mind expanding truth.
Hopefulness
I feel like I bandy this word around (as do most people I know) far too freely - we hope that we win the lottery (guess I’d actually have to buy a ticket to realize that hope) - we hope that we do well in school, work, relationships and we hope for some purpose or meaning to this life. Now that is a pretty broad range of hope. It is defined as an optimistic emotional state characterized by the desire for a positive outcome with a belief in its possibility or likelihood, but I also found this definition a feeling of trust. Wow that made me stop for a second - it actually gave me chills.
Somehow that feels more connected and meaningful for me - it resonates more than having an expectation of a positive outcome - which feels flatter and more transactional to me. A feeling of trust - well for me, trust is all about vulnerability and connection. This makes hope seem more active to me whereas the first definition seems more passive - and let’s face it - I like to dive in rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.
Home
IInterestingly enough I originally wrote this blog post back in December which was intended to be a summary of the renovation we did last year - reflecting on the feelings of overwhelm and how challenging it was. At the time I thought that 2025 was going to be a pretty low key year with us redoing the roof - so all external work. Little did I know in December that a series of failures in the kitchen would cause us to accelerate our timing of a kitchen renovation which blossomed to include kitchen and bathrooms on the main floor as well as the roof.
At the time I didn’t realize that I’d be putting my learnings and new tools into practice so soon, however we agreed to do the renovations which would take approximately 90 days - June to September.
Agitation and Overwhelm
Those who have been reading this blog for a while will know that last year was a pretty stressful year for me - between buying and selling a house, packing up and moving which was then followed by 6 months of renovations of the lower level of the house to build a music space for Kory. It was a lot and there were a number of times throughout the summer that I felt overwhelmed which surprised me.
Before retirement I worked in a very stressful job and was continuously on call for international and domestic divisions. I am used to having to deal with overwhelming situations and stay calm and methodically work through things which made my reaction even more perplexing. Once things calmed down and we started to really live in the new space I decided to spend some time reflecting on my feelings of agitation and overwhelm during the renovations
Photographing exotic locations aka my backyard
The title of this post is a bit tongue in cheek, but I got to thinking about this as I was debating about planning a trip to some wonderful location for photography and while I think that there is nothing quite as exciting as capturing images in a new location - a trip just didn’t seem to be coming together. I either didn’t like the timing or the itinerary or something else just didn’t seem quite right.
Lately I’ve been going through my old photography catalogues and looking for images that I overlooked for one reason or another and it’s interesting to note that I have been finding all sorts of great images and a lot of them are from photoshoots close to home. This makes sense as the majority of my images are from locations close to where I live and it also makes sense that I should be seeing progress over time and this would be reflected in the locations I shoot frequently.
Everybody’s got a story
This song has always resonated with me because I feel that we (let’sy be honest - I) often make assumptions of people based upon first impressions.
I make judgements based upon the way people look or act or talk - I know it’s cliche, however the saying don’t judge a book by its cover still rings true today.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a strong introvert and people often interpret my demeanour as standoffish or cool, but it’s actually shyness mixed in with a preference of getting to know people slowly before diving in and interacting.
Maintaining Balance
I recall that during my working life I was constantly searching for balance - I felt the pull from work and an even bigger pull from home to have my attention. I will admit that there were a lot of times when I didn’t get the balance right and I feel that my home life suffered as a result. In addition I think that my mental and physical wellbeing suffered - not just from the actual stress of the situation, but also the additional stress of feeling guilt and regret for not being present for my family.