The Why Rather Than the What or How
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Musings From Kingsbrae Gardens
I have just finished a week at a photography retreat in Kingsbrae Gardens, New Brunswick with Freeman Patterson. This is my second time attending this retreat and I have again found myself to be inspired, uplifted and just moved to a new place in understanding why I do what I do with my camera.
The week is not a workshop - there is no learning a new technique or trying to understand the technicalities of my camera or craft - it is about delving into the Why. The week is filled with conversations, visits to artists working in different media and open time to spend photographing in the gardens or around town - any way we wish to use the time.
The morning light in the gardens at Kingsbrae took my breath away two years ago and it still does. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/200s, 400mm, ISO200, -1EV).
The only preparation for the week is that each participant is tasked with putting together a presentation of twenty images that have significant meaning to them. They must present the images and discuss why they made the image - easier said than done.
Slipping Into a Comfortable Zone
One would think that after attending this retreat two years ago that I would be feeling relaxed and at ease knowing what to expect and what I’d like to photograph (or some rough ideas). This was not the case.
I agonized over which images to include and more importantly why - which ended up being a very illuminating and useful exercise. I feel like I have entered a period of transition the last two years and my photography is reflecting self growth not only in terms of what and how I am making images, but also what is happening within me as I spend time reflecting changes and shifts within me.
The mystery of the light and the unknown where it leads draws me in - it feels like where I am at in my life right now. (EXIF data f11, 600mm, 1/1250s, ISO400, -1EV)
I found it difficult to choose images that illustrate this shift as I feel like I’m still somewhere in the middle - I’m definitely not at the end of it yet. I have been feeling unsettled and restless in my photography which has led me to explore some different subject matter, techniques and editing with a vague notion of trying to capture how I’m feeling or what is going on inside of me.
Mostly I have found that I need to get out of my own way and especially out of my head (overthinking things can lead me down a vortex of confusion) resulting in images that aren’t very meaningful to me.
Peeling Back the Layers
One of the many benefits of attending this retreat is the time we spend with other artists. We did a return visit to Alaina Baird (we spent time with her two years ago and I also attended a fashion show containing her art which I wrote about in this blog post). It is a pleasure to listen to Alaina talk about her process and how she goes about creating new projects. I come away feeling inspired and uplifted - ready to tackle new ideas and feeling more focused about my why - that is my why for what and how I photograph subjects.
We also spent an afternoon with Ann Manuel, a local artist who’s most recent exhibition Breath was a two decades long project resulting from experiencing the last breath of her father and then later her mother. It is a powerful work of art and hearing her talk about this and other projects that she has worked on made me continually reflect back on my why. It inspires and excites me to talk to creative people who are so generous with their time and thoughts.
Being selective about who you choose to receive input from is critical. (EXIF data 200mm, f22, 2.5s, ISO64, 3 stop ND filter)
One gem that I picked up from Ann’s chat was how she is careful about receiving input/critique from different people and at different times in the life of a project. Her reference to tender times means that when she is not feeling confident and solid about the direction of a project or where she is at - input (even the best intentioned) can really throw her off or even stall her from moving forward. There are times when she’s just not in the right place to receive input and honouring that need for peace is critical to her process.
“I am careful about listening to input at certain points when I’m creating as it can be a tender times.” Ann Manuel
I stumbled across a quote about each failure being an opportunity to find an anchor or a sail. That really resonated with me as did a newsletter from Maurice Henri (thank you for sending me this Jean-Pierre), where he talks about the relationship of photography and seeing. One sentence in particular stood out to me that speaks of the camera being a companion for the journey inwards. This is what I am finding more frequently - my photographs are reflective of the introspection and discovery that I am on.
Following the Energy Flow
I came to this retreat with no expectations or intentions regarding what I would photograph - I just wanted to spend time being creative and let things unfold as they are meant to unfold. Most of all I wanted to follow Freeman’s mantra to relax and when something draws your eye, of makes you feel compelled to shoot it - follow the energy flow and don’t stop - keep going.
Well I spent the first day wandering the gardens and checking out places I shot two years ago. Things in a garden inevitably change over time and the garden is very different from the last time I was here - some plants have already bloomed and others are just reaching their peak - the garden seems to be a bit behind two years ago. What I noticed is that trying to shoot like I did two years ago (I was shooting a lot of backlight and bees outlined with rim light) - rich colours and gorgeous light wasn’t working - so I let that go and moved on.
There were some nice images from the first day, but nothing that made me excited. The second morning we had wonderful misty/foggy conditions and I got up at 5 am and was out in the garden before sunrise. I started photographing almost immediately in the blue hour - excited about what the mist was hiding and revealing. One of the great things about mist is that it really helps to isolate your subject and get rid of the clutter and distractions in the background. One other thing that mist does is hide the fact that the sprinkler system is on and spraying jets of water directly at you - until it’s too late - that was a bit of a surprise!
A monochromatic image of a dew covered spider’s web. (EXIF data 120mm, f11, 1/250s, ISO1000)
I spent time in the perennial garden and followed water droplets on blossoms as water droplets on spider’s webs - I was getting into flow - compositions started to come to me more effortlessly. Then I moved into the sculpture garden - my nemesis! I love the shapes of the sculptures, but I struggle to photograph them in a meaningful way - there seems to be bright sky or background distractions all around - but not this misty morning!
In The Flow
This was just the beginning. I went back to the sculpture garden in the evening and found more compositions incorporating the sunset. I started to use intentional camera movement (ICM) and while it didn’t quite feel right - I was playing and that felt good - getting curious and experimenting with the subjects. I felt this funny little itch in the back of my brain - motion - movement - I wanted to use ICM, but slow small movements. I went back to my room and decided to sleep on it.
My first successful ICM images that spoke to me of motion and forward movement. (EXIF data f16, 120mm, 1 sec, ISO1000)
The next morning I got up bright and early again to a cloudless sky slightly tinged pink and orange. Back to the sculpture garden, but now I started to see the light differently - the figures felt full of life and movement, so I started to shoot with a slower shutter speed (2.5 seconds which is quite a long exposure) and slow gentle movements - arcs that followed the subject line. Suddenly I started to see results on the back of my camera that I liked - that mimicked what I was seeing in my mind.
The sculpture figure appears to be coming out of the screen as she transitions to a new plane. (EXIF data 70mm, f22, 2.5s, ISO64, 3 stop ND filter)
I kept shooting and as the sun came up the soft golden light just filled my screen - and suddenly my slow movements and shutter speed came together and started to produce multiple images of my subject - not what I have ever been able to produce with ICM, but I was loving it - I had found my energy flow and I kept following it.
When I came back and processed some of my images I started to see a pattern - I have been photographing arcs, and motion - my subjects appear to be coming out of the image - transitioning to a new space - moving forward. This felt like me and that got me excited - I started to see me in the images.
Sometimes It Comes Together
I can’t say that it always happens like this, but by getting out of my own way and out of my head - following what attracted my attention and then following the energy flow - I feel like I’ve come away from Kingsbrae Gardens with some really strong images. I’m excited about what I shot and what I discovered about myself - as I’ve come to realize that my photography speaks more about what’s going on inside me than the subject I’m capturing.
This week has been all about moving forward - being in motion and transition while seeking harmony and wholeness. I felt the beginning of this shift when I was in Zambia (I wrote about it here) and my photography reflected a shift in the types of images I was taking and the compositions that I was drawn to.
My time in the gardens has been very transformative - the images really reflect the sense of motion I’ve been feeling myself caught up in. I’m not entirely sure what it all means (so the why is still coming into focus) or where I’m heading, but I can definitely feel myself moving forward in a positive and energetic manner. Now I’m just going to follow the energy flow.
Have you ever experienced a shift in your thoughts or actions that has come from a subconscious space - something where your internal voice is trying to tell you something? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or drop me a note directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
The energy - ICM (intentional camera movement) (EXIF data 200mm, f22, 2.5 sec, ISO64, 6 stop ND filter)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
