Transitions, Transformations and a Little Photography
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Positivity
I can see it without anyone being here - some of you rolled your eyes when you read this week’s blog post title - positivity - yeah right - here we go again - someone spouting off about how being positive saves the world (maybe a slight exaggeration on my channeling of eye rolling thoughts), but what if there was a sliver of truth to that?
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not about forced positivity which lately seems to have earned the moniker “toxic positivity” - I don’t agree with this at all! When I’m not feeling it - I don’t “fake it until I make it” - that just doesn’t feel authentic and in fact I think it masks true emotions and blocks me from moving through them effectively.
What I mean by toxic positivity is when I’m feeling upset or angry and someone tells me to “look on the bright side”
Autumn Colours - Photography Retreat
We’re sitting around a table in the dining hall, remnants of dinner on the table - a water glass, crumpled napkin and crumbs from the chocolate dessert confection. There has been animated conversation as we catch up - four photographers who met for a week at Kingsbrae Gardens (link) in New Brunswick for a week last July - four people from different backgrounds and with different interests - at different stages of life and photography - and yet here we were - reunited for a week long photography retreat at a small resort in the Eastern Townships about an hour and half east of Montreal.
Jean-Pierre taking a lead and asking each of us - Why are you here? What do you want to get out of this week together? What will bring value to your time here together?
Hopefulness
I feel like I bandy this word around (as do most people I know) far too freely - we hope that we win the lottery (guess I’d actually have to buy a ticket to realize that hope) - we hope that we do well in school, work, relationships and we hope for some purpose or meaning to this life. Now that is a pretty broad range of hope. It is defined as an optimistic emotional state characterized by the desire for a positive outcome with a belief in its possibility or likelihood, but I also found this definition a feeling of trust. Wow that made me stop for a second - it actually gave me chills.
Somehow that feels more connected and meaningful for me - it resonates more than having an expectation of a positive outcome - which feels flatter and more transactional to me. A feeling of trust - well for me, trust is all about vulnerability and connection. This makes hope seem more active to me whereas the first definition seems more passive - and let’s face it - I like to dive in rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.
Taking a Break
I’m not taking a break from writing or the blog - ironically this has kept me focused and more balanced throughout the summer as chaos reigned. Instead of feeling pressured to produce a written piece weekly, I found that I had all sorts of ideas and for most of the summer I had 4 or 5 blog posts in the queue waiting to be published. Now that things are slowing down with final paint touch ups done and cabinetry adjustments being the outstanding things to be done - it feels like the right time for us to take a break and reconnect with some friends and family. Oh and there is the thing about trying to get in one final camping trip to break in the new trailer before the white stuff flies (which could be any day now this close to the mountains).
I should probably back up a bit and explain that little “break in the new trailer” line because there’s a bit of a story there.
Switching Gears - Getting Creative
It’s no wonder that I’ve been in a bit of a creative dry spell with the 104 days of renovations occurring this summer. It’s hard to carve out time for self care let alone creative pursuits, however I did a few things to try and make sure that all was not totally lost and I think that it helped me to switch off from the stress of the renovation chaos at times.
I started working with a bird photography coach and this was really helpful for getting me out and about during the early days of the summer and then we switched gears to editing and Isaac showed me some great new work flow ideas that I have yet to fully utilize. I’m afraid that during the final days of renovations and setting the house back up that things got a bit too chaotic for me to continue, so I put things on hold for the month of September and now I need to get back into these sessions.
The Unveiling
When we first sat down and discussed the possibility of moving - little did I know that it would be a two and a half year epic project to get from concept to getting settled into normal living. I’ll just say up front that it has been totally worth it. The mornings that I wake up and look outside to see such natural beauty as well as amazing wildlife makes it worth all of the inconvenience and frustrations (I’m also basing this on the fact that the stress and memories of renovations seems to fade after a few months). I am so grateful to have such an amazing person in my life who has my back and lets me take care of him too.I also believe that while this time of challenge has brought out some of my less attractive traits (thinking back to that moment when I was so overwhelmed I just stood in the bathroom and screamed out my frustration), it has revealed a depth and closeness in my relationship with Kory that we often take for granted.
Haida Gwaii - cultural perspective
It has been a little over a month since we visited Haida Gwaii and I have purposely held off on writing this post because I found that when we returned my thoughts were all in a muddle with what felt like snippets of visual images and impressions that seemed more like a kaleidoscope of colours, shapes and patterns whirling through my mind. I wanted to allow some time for these thoughts to settle into more coherent and cohesive ideas before sitting down to write about it.
Needless to say, I found the time we spent in Gwaii Hannas National Park to be very impactful from a spiritual connection perspective - so what does that mean to me? Well it means that when we visited different locations I often found myself overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and connection to the nature around me. There was a lushness and richness to the landscape and I think that my images reflect this feeling of connection as they are full of bold colours and amazing light (see Haida Gwaii gallery).
Camera Settings and Life
This post started out being a technical post about exposure and the use of exposure compensation, however when I started to write the outline I realized that there are some very interesting parallels to wellbeing and living a balanced life, so here goes….
We’ll start off with a bit of technical stuff and I’ll try not to make it too dry. Our cameras are designed to measure the amount of light in a scene and to try and come up with a balanced exposure so that there are not areas that are too bright or dark - the camera is programmed to see the world at neutral or “middle grey” in order to not over or underexpose the scene. This is an important limitation to understand in cameras because it helps to identify when it’s a good idea to take control and use manual mode on a camera to get the exposures that you want.
Working with a Bird Photographer Mentor/Coach
I’ve been into photography now for almost 10 years and over the course of that time I’ve taken a number of courses, workshops and just generally learning things through practice and experimentation. I really love photography and the I can get lost in flow (losing track of time while immersed in an activity) when I’m out with my camera.
I feel that I’ve progressed and accomplished a lot of what I set out to do - even exceeded my expectations as I had no idea that I’d be using my photographs and my love of reading and writing in this blog, however I’ve been feeling like there is something missing - not quite coming together the way I’d like. I take some amazing images, and yet they don’t quite turn out the way I’d like or the way I envision them - or it feels a bit “by luck” or “by chance” that I get an amazing image.
Home
IInterestingly enough I originally wrote this blog post back in December which was intended to be a summary of the renovation we did last year - reflecting on the feelings of overwhelm and how challenging it was. At the time I thought that 2025 was going to be a pretty low key year with us redoing the roof - so all external work. Little did I know in December that a series of failures in the kitchen would cause us to accelerate our timing of a kitchen renovation which blossomed to include kitchen and bathrooms on the main floor as well as the roof.
At the time I didn’t realize that I’d be putting my learnings and new tools into practice so soon, however we agreed to do the renovations which would take approximately 90 days - June to September.
Haida Gwaii Naturalist Perspective - Birds and Plants (part 2)
One of the many things that I enjoyed about our recent trip to Haida Gwaii was being able to visit a number of abandoned Haida villages which are hosted by Haida Watchmen and also having the opportunity to get off the boat for kayaking and nature walks. There was so much to see and learn during this trip - I felt like a sponge - in a good way! The coastal islands have such a diverse ecosystem with their rock and sand beaches, shear cliffs, old growth forests, natural hot springs, protected inlets and bays, fresh water streams and bogs.
Bogs you may be wondering - why would she be so excited about a bog? Well our most learned guide, Danny Katt
Haida Gwaii Naturalist Perspective (Part 1)
Some of us are predominantly visual learners while others are auditory learners and still others need to be hands on to fully grasp concepts and ideas (likely the way we all cement concepts with actual learning is through practice), or a combination of all three. I find that I need all three to really get my head around new ideas and the older I get the more I need the visual and hands on portion to really cement things.
We have recently come back from a trip to Gwaii Hannas National Park Reserve and Haida Heritage Site (Haida Gwaii) and we were fortunate enough to have a biologist/retired Parks employee/university professor/naturalist/birder/comedian guide as part of the crew (Danny Katt) on the Afterglow.
Liminal Spaces
I’m not sure if that is actually an accurate heading - I am exploring some new directions photographically, but they are places I’ve explored previously - I’m just doing this exploration in a slightly new way. What I mean is that I have joined forces with a group of three other photographers who I originally met in the AYWMC Group (A Year With My Camera ) and we’ve decided to challenge each other and work on a collaboration together. The group consists of Heather (Nova Scotia Heather ), Fiona and MZ. They are a rather formidable group of creatives with very different styles and approaches with a primary emphasis on abstract and multiple exposure images. I’m like the Sesame Street song (One of These Things Is Not Like the Others) with my primarily bird and nature images.
Visit to Haida Gwaii - First Impressions
We’ve just returned from a week aboard the Afterglow and a wonderful trip with Jenn and Chris from Ocean Light Adventures and I can honestly say that we could have easily spent much more time exploring and learning about the Haida culture and beautiful landscape. This trip came in the middle of our home renovations and we couldn’t afford to be away any longer than a week, so I’m glad that we went - it was a much needed break and with no cell service for most of the week - a wonderful time to be unplugged. Amazingly the world did not end and no significant renovation event occurred because we were not available.
The Creative Voice
I’m being a bit facetious, however I feel that while creativity is something very personal, I see the term tossed about with little care for how unique and personally expressive it can be. To me it is the intersection of motivation, curiosity and play and each of these components are required for it to come about. There are many times when I’ve been curious and playful, but have taken no action on the thoughts - hence no creative output. I’ve also found myself motivated to take action and curious, but it seems that I can reach a roadblock very easily as judgment and self criticism quickly causes the curiosity to stall. I believe that the playfulness is a key component as it is what drives past the barriers and self imposed constraints to exploration - it allows me to experiment and fail and learn and try something new.
Heading to Haida Gwaii
Last August Kory and I headed to the Khutzeymateen Grizzly Bear Sanctuary and Great Bear Rainforest which is northwest of Prince Rupert (a small city 465 miles / 748 km by air from Vancouver) and close to the Alaska border.
I wrote about this adventure here and we had such a good time that we have booked with the same company this year, but we’re heading to Haida Gwaii. There is an archipelago off of British Columbia’s west coast called Haida Gwaii which means Islands of the People in Haida. The islands were formerly known as the Queen Charlotte Islands, but in the 1980’s the name was changed to recognize its origins and importance in to the Haida Nation.
Gardening Meditation
When I sat down to write this blog post I paused and pondered on what a gardening meditation means - I know what it means to me, however that is often a bit off base with what the mainstream thinks. I did what I do when I’m curious and want to dive down rabbit holes - I googled it and then started searching and reading - the basic summary of gardening meditation is combining physical activity associated with gardening with mindful practices. That wasn’t very helpful to me, so I dug deeper (I know a bad gardening pun) - and I came up with a means of fostering a connection with nature and promoting mental well-being. Ok that seemed a bit more descriptive and relatable, however as I read further it got into the weeds a bit (ok another gardening pun - I know!).
Gadget Stacking
When we started training our cat Roxy to be able to walk outside on a harness and leash we occasionally came across situations that she’d been exposed to before which caused her to have a meltdown and get totally stressed out. It was difficult to witness as we only wanted her to have positive experiences and join us in our love of the outdoors.
I had a breakthrough when I learned about trigger stacking which is when a dog or cat experiences multiple stressful events (positive or negative) in a short amount of time, without time to calm down between each event. This can lead to increased excitement, anxiety or aggression.
A situation that on its own would be fine could result in a heightened emotional outcome for her if it was paired with one or more emotionally heightened situations - trigger stacking.
Agitation and Overwhelm
Those who have been reading this blog for a while will know that last year was a pretty stressful year for me - between buying and selling a house, packing up and moving which was then followed by 6 months of renovations of the lower level of the house to build a music space for Kory. It was a lot and there were a number of times throughout the summer that I felt overwhelmed which surprised me.
Before retirement I worked in a very stressful job and was continuously on call for international and domestic divisions. I am used to having to deal with overwhelming situations and stay calm and methodically work through things which made my reaction even more perplexing. Once things calmed down and we started to really live in the new space I decided to spend some time reflecting on my feelings of agitation and overwhelm during the renovations
Fawns and Flash Heros
Full disclosure here - I’m not great at surprises - as soon as Kory mentions that he has a surprise for me - I’m all over him badgering him to tell me what it is. I hate the suspense of not knowing. While I’m at it I’ll just ‘fess up to hating scary movies or movies with intense scenes - I’ve honestly never made it through the movie American Werewolf in London and it took me a whole weekend to watch Aliens. Maybe it’s a defect or it’s an internal protection against being blindsided or startled.
That’s a long prelude to letting you know - no fawns were injured - it will make sense shortly.
We’ve come to believe that we live in a mini version of The Wild Kingdom because in the year that we’ve lived here we’ve seen such a variety of wildlife from deer, coyotes, moose, black bear, skunk, jackrabbits and ring necked pheasants to name a few.