Transitions, Transformations and a Little Photography
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Boundaries
There are a lot of different ways to define/explain boundaries such as something showing where one thing ends and another begins, or another perspective is the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. One simple one that I like is from Brene Brown - define what is ok and not ok. Regardless of how you define the word boundary, it is something that I am not great at navigating or setting up/sticking to. I’m a people pleaser by nature which lends itself to flexible/nebulous/nonexistent boundaries - leading to me often feeling less than comfortable in some situations.
I’ve been working on trying to be more intentional about identifying boundaries and acknowledging when I don’t stick to them - for example, a few months ago I wanted to go for a photography shoot at Frank Lake which meant getting up early to get there before sunrise. Kory wanted to do work on his studio and needed my help - you can already imagine the conflict going on inside of me.
Compasses and Directions
I’ve had some interesting conversations lately about the future, direction and purpose of life and while sometimes these conversations can be a bit daunting and heavy - especially when the forward path is murky and unclear - I have been finding myself uplifted by them.
I was recently asked to participate in a luncheon for a youth group with members nearing the end of high school and next life steps looming for the students. A group of “elders” and recent graduates were asked to provide a slide with information about their career, what made them get into their career, what sustained them and also what advice they’d give to someone considering this career. It really got me thinking back a few years as I’ve just passed 3 years in retirement after a 38 year working life.
I approached my slide as though I was speaking to a younger version of myself and trying to tap into my motivations and advice.
Planning an African Safari
I have long had a fascination and affinity for wildlife and a particular interest in animals from other areas of the world that I don’t see where I live. I am part of a photography group (A Year With My Camera - a high recommend for anyone wanting to learn photography as it’s a free year long course - check out the link in resources) and a very talented photographer from Australia posted an image of a Queen Green Ant covered in zombie fungus (seriously google this). This fungus takes over the host ant and gradually impairs its ability to function - finally killing its host and enjoying a new location to grow and thrive. I was totally fascinated to learn about this insect as we do not have anything like this in Canada.
That’s a bit of a long winded introduction, however it may explain my excitement to be heading back to Africa with Kory in 2026 - I know we plan these a long way out
Expectations and Growth
It’s ironic that this is a common theme for me in my writings - expectations - disappointment and growth. Maybe there is something here for me to learn - or relearn - or keep on learning. The excitement of the first day of the retreat led me to expect all sorts of amazing photographs to be made in subsequent outings and the morning of day 2 just didn’t live up to those expectations.
Interestingly we’d had a conversation about something similar the evening before - Jean-Pierre spoke of a workshop he’d been to many years ago where he’d been given an assignment the first day and he’d nailed it! The feedback and discussion were full of promise and potential - leading him to think that he understood what he was at the workshop to learn - bring on the next assignment please! Unfortunately, things did not pan out as expected - the next image did not live up to his expectations of feedback
Paradox - Contronyms
I imagine that when some people read the title to this week’s post there were some curious or even confused looks - like where is she going with this or what the heck is she talking about now. I’ve been really enjoying some challenging reading lately which has caused my brain to stretch into different areas that I usually don’t think about or consider. This often causes me to either go around in circles, tie myself up in knots trying to work through things or figure them out - which is a good thing in my view.
I have been reading about paradox (ie., something that seems contradictory or against common thought, but may be true upon investigation) and I really like that idea - the juxtaposition of these apparently contradictory items and then curiosity leading to a mind expanding truth.
Positivity
I can see it without anyone being here - some of you rolled your eyes when you read this week’s blog post title - positivity - yeah right - here we go again - someone spouting off about how being positive saves the world (maybe a slight exaggeration on my channeling of eye rolling thoughts), but what if there was a sliver of truth to that?
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not about forced positivity which lately seems to have earned the moniker “toxic positivity” - I don’t agree with this at all! When I’m not feeling it - I don’t “fake it until I make it” - that just doesn’t feel authentic and in fact I think it masks true emotions and blocks me from moving through them effectively.
What I mean by toxic positivity is when I’m feeling upset or angry and someone tells me to “look on the bright side”
Autumn Colours - Photography Retreat
We’re sitting around a table in the dining hall, remnants of dinner on the table - a water glass, crumpled napkin and crumbs from the chocolate dessert confection. There has been animated conversation as we catch up - four photographers who met for a week at Kingsbrae Gardens (link) in New Brunswick for a week last July - four people from different backgrounds and with different interests - at different stages of life and photography - and yet here we were - reunited for a week long photography retreat at a small resort in the Eastern Townships about an hour and half east of Montreal.
Jean-Pierre taking a lead and asking each of us - Why are you here? What do you want to get out of this week together? What will bring value to your time here together?
Hopefulness
I feel like I bandy this word around (as do most people I know) far too freely - we hope that we win the lottery (guess I’d actually have to buy a ticket to realize that hope) - we hope that we do well in school, work, relationships and we hope for some purpose or meaning to this life. Now that is a pretty broad range of hope. It is defined as an optimistic emotional state characterized by the desire for a positive outcome with a belief in its possibility or likelihood, but I also found this definition a feeling of trust. Wow that made me stop for a second - it actually gave me chills.
Somehow that feels more connected and meaningful for me - it resonates more than having an expectation of a positive outcome - which feels flatter and more transactional to me. A feeling of trust - well for me, trust is all about vulnerability and connection. This makes hope seem more active to me whereas the first definition seems more passive - and let’s face it - I like to dive in rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.
Switching Gears - Getting Creative
It’s no wonder that I’ve been in a bit of a creative dry spell with the 104 days of renovations occurring this summer. It’s hard to carve out time for self care let alone creative pursuits, however I did a few things to try and make sure that all was not totally lost and I think that it helped me to switch off from the stress of the renovation chaos at times.
I started working with a bird photography coach and this was really helpful for getting me out and about during the early days of the summer and then we switched gears to editing and Isaac showed me some great new work flow ideas that I have yet to fully utilize. I’m afraid that during the final days of renovations and setting the house back up that things got a bit too chaotic for me to continue, so I put things on hold for the month of September and now I need to get back into these sessions.
Haida Gwaii - cultural perspective
It has been a little over a month since we visited Haida Gwaii and I have purposely held off on writing this post because I found that when we returned my thoughts were all in a muddle with what felt like snippets of visual images and impressions that seemed more like a kaleidoscope of colours, shapes and patterns whirling through my mind. I wanted to allow some time for these thoughts to settle into more coherent and cohesive ideas before sitting down to write about it.
Needless to say, I found the time we spent in Gwaii Hannas National Park to be very impactful from a spiritual connection perspective - so what does that mean to me? Well it means that when we visited different locations I often found myself overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and connection to the nature around me. There was a lushness and richness to the landscape and I think that my images reflect this feeling of connection as they are full of bold colours and amazing light (see Haida Gwaii gallery).
Working with a Bird Photographer Mentor/Coach
I’ve been into photography now for almost 10 years and over the course of that time I’ve taken a number of courses, workshops and just generally learning things through practice and experimentation. I really love photography and the I can get lost in flow (losing track of time while immersed in an activity) when I’m out with my camera.
I feel that I’ve progressed and accomplished a lot of what I set out to do - even exceeded my expectations as I had no idea that I’d be using my photographs and my love of reading and writing in this blog, however I’ve been feeling like there is something missing - not quite coming together the way I’d like. I take some amazing images, and yet they don’t quite turn out the way I’d like or the way I envision them - or it feels a bit “by luck” or “by chance” that I get an amazing image.
Home
IInterestingly enough I originally wrote this blog post back in December which was intended to be a summary of the renovation we did last year - reflecting on the feelings of overwhelm and how challenging it was. At the time I thought that 2025 was going to be a pretty low key year with us redoing the roof - so all external work. Little did I know in December that a series of failures in the kitchen would cause us to accelerate our timing of a kitchen renovation which blossomed to include kitchen and bathrooms on the main floor as well as the roof.
At the time I didn’t realize that I’d be putting my learnings and new tools into practice so soon, however we agreed to do the renovations which would take approximately 90 days - June to September.
Haida Gwaii Naturalist Perspective - Birds and Plants (part 2)
One of the many things that I enjoyed about our recent trip to Haida Gwaii was being able to visit a number of abandoned Haida villages which are hosted by Haida Watchmen and also having the opportunity to get off the boat for kayaking and nature walks. There was so much to see and learn during this trip - I felt like a sponge - in a good way! The coastal islands have such a diverse ecosystem with their rock and sand beaches, shear cliffs, old growth forests, natural hot springs, protected inlets and bays, fresh water streams and bogs.
Bogs you may be wondering - why would she be so excited about a bog? Well our most learned guide, Danny Katt
Liminal Spaces
I’m not sure if that is actually an accurate heading - I am exploring some new directions photographically, but they are places I’ve explored previously - I’m just doing this exploration in a slightly new way. What I mean is that I have joined forces with a group of three other photographers who I originally met in the AYWMC Group (A Year With My Camera ) and we’ve decided to challenge each other and work on a collaboration together. The group consists of Heather (Nova Scotia Heather ), Fiona and MZ. They are a rather formidable group of creatives with very different styles and approaches with a primary emphasis on abstract and multiple exposure images. I’m like the Sesame Street song (One of These Things Is Not Like the Others) with my primarily bird and nature images.
Visit to Haida Gwaii - First Impressions
We’ve just returned from a week aboard the Afterglow and a wonderful trip with Jenn and Chris from Ocean Light Adventures and I can honestly say that we could have easily spent much more time exploring and learning about the Haida culture and beautiful landscape. This trip came in the middle of our home renovations and we couldn’t afford to be away any longer than a week, so I’m glad that we went - it was a much needed break and with no cell service for most of the week - a wonderful time to be unplugged. Amazingly the world did not end and no significant renovation event occurred because we were not available.
The Creative Voice
I’m being a bit facetious, however I feel that while creativity is something very personal, I see the term tossed about with little care for how unique and personally expressive it can be. To me it is the intersection of motivation, curiosity and play and each of these components are required for it to come about. There are many times when I’ve been curious and playful, but have taken no action on the thoughts - hence no creative output. I’ve also found myself motivated to take action and curious, but it seems that I can reach a roadblock very easily as judgment and self criticism quickly causes the curiosity to stall. I believe that the playfulness is a key component as it is what drives past the barriers and self imposed constraints to exploration - it allows me to experiment and fail and learn and try something new.
Agitation and Overwhelm
Those who have been reading this blog for a while will know that last year was a pretty stressful year for me - between buying and selling a house, packing up and moving which was then followed by 6 months of renovations of the lower level of the house to build a music space for Kory. It was a lot and there were a number of times throughout the summer that I felt overwhelmed which surprised me.
Before retirement I worked in a very stressful job and was continuously on call for international and domestic divisions. I am used to having to deal with overwhelming situations and stay calm and methodically work through things which made my reaction even more perplexing. Once things calmed down and we started to really live in the new space I decided to spend some time reflecting on my feelings of agitation and overwhelm during the renovations
Authenticity - how being me is enough
I think that despite how much we strive to be authentic and project our real selves, we all have various masks or versions of ourselves that we show to the world. I don’t mean that we are fake or trying to hide behind made up images of our selves (though some people do this), but rather that in different situations we show up slightly differently - I know that I do.
Some people who have known me for a long time are a bit surprised to read my blog writings and find out things about me that they didn’t know. It’s not that I’ve hidden these parts of myself from them, but they didn’t come up in the context of how we’ve known each other.
For example, I had Corporate Pam (projecting a professional version of Pam), Fun Friend Pam (more silly and open to sharing personal parts of me), then there was Daughter Pam (caring for aging parents - one with dementia - see this post) and then there is Wife Pam
Seasonal Changes
The last week I’ve started to feel the shift in the seasons again - that slow realization like the soft tick ticking of a clock that slowly worms its way into your consciousness. That’s how spring has felt to me - watching the sunrise coming earlier each day by 1 - 2 minutes and noticing the sun sink behind the mountains a little later each day too. Those minutes are stacking up and shifting our daily routine just slightly each day.
I’ve also noticed that the quality of the light is changing as the days get longer - the duration of the sunrise and the sunset seems to extend longer to bookend each day - like it can’t wait to get started and then is loathe to let go and fall into slumber.
The warmer temperatures are melting the residual mounds of white stuff and any new snow doesn’t seem to stick quite as long on the ground.
Photographing exotic locations aka my backyard
The title of this post is a bit tongue in cheek, but I got to thinking about this as I was debating about planning a trip to some wonderful location for photography and while I think that there is nothing quite as exciting as capturing images in a new location - a trip just didn’t seem to be coming together. I either didn’t like the timing or the itinerary or something else just didn’t seem quite right.
Lately I’ve been going through my old photography catalogues and looking for images that I overlooked for one reason or another and it’s interesting to note that I have been finding all sorts of great images and a lot of them are from photoshoots close to home. This makes sense as the majority of my images are from locations close to where I live and it also makes sense that I should be seeing progress over time and this would be reflected in the locations I shoot frequently.