Positivity
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I see eye rolling...
I can see it without anyone being here - some of you rolled your eyes when you read this week’s blog post title - positivity - yeah right - here we go again - someone spouting off about how being positive saves the world (maybe a slight exaggeration on my channeling of eye rolling thoughts), but what if there was a sliver of truth to that?
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not about forced positivity which lately seems to have earned the moniker “toxic positivity” - I don’t agree with this at all! When I’m not feeling it - I don’t “fake it until I make it” - that just doesn’t feel authentic and in fact I think it masks true emotions and blocks me from moving through them effectively.
What I mean by toxic positivity is when I’m feeling upset or angry and someone tells me to “look on the bright side” (why does that always make me think of Life of Brian and I start whistling Always Look on the Bright Side of Life? - but I digress) - what I actually get out of their admonishment is that I should minimize or deny my feelings and focus on something that doesn’t feel real or true in the moment. Have you ever watched The Stepford Wives? It feels a bit robotic like that.
The image in a reflecting pool is as real as a forced positivity. (EXIF data f6.3, 68mm, 1/250s, ISO3600, -1.0EV)
My sister and I used to fight a lot - there was a lot of conflict between us and my mum would often get overwhelmed dealing with day to day life, so there was the admonishment to “Just Wait Til Your Father Gets Home” and when he walked in the door after a long day the last thing he wanted to deal with was two squabbling girls. His response was often that we should appreciate having each other - sisters are precious (I know this now, but at the time neither of us were feeling it) - and then came the dreaded - say you’re sorry and give each other a hug. Oh I hated that!! Say I’m sorry - but for what? There was no resolution - my feelings of outrage and anger (as well as hers) were still there. I can remember us both pasting on brittle smiles, extending stiff arms for a hug and then muttering “I’m sorry” between gritted teeth. I vowed never to make someone make up with me or for me to falsely make up with someone - if I didn’t feel it - I didn’t want to fake it.
Heartfelt Positivity
I’ve come across this term “heartfelt positivity” and I really like the way it feels when I say it or think it - it feels authentic and like it is coming from somewhere deep inside - the exact opposite of my childhood forced positivity.
Before I get into that further I’m going to take a step back and look at the opposite of positivity and that’s negative emotions. Now historically negative emotions have been identified as crucial for survival - I’m talking about emotions tied to the Flight, Fight or Freeze response. Emotions like anger or fear trigger a specific action tendency and it is fairly reasonable to equate this action to survival. Our ancestors needed to be able to assess a situation and react quickly to survive - when confronted with a man eating animal, our ancestors needed to not only feel that fear, but their body needed to shift blood flow to the major muscle groups and trigger a rush of adrenaline to get them moving - and quickly. This response meant they lived to face another day and pass on their traits to the next generation - the failure to do so meant their genes didn’t get passed on.
That seems pretty straightforward to me and I can make sense of so called negative emotions, but when I started looking into positive emotions like gratitude, serenity, hope, joy, inspiration, awe, or love to name a few - it wasn’t so easy to identify how this fits into the same model and in fact it doesn’t. Positive emotions have not been found to be “specific action tendency” triggers and they often have different time scales than “negative emotions” - both in the time it takes to experience them and in the time that they stay with us.
I’ve been reading a book about Positivity and I”m really enjoying exploring some different thoughts about it - the book by Barbara Fredickson was recommended during a Mindful Photography Course that I have been taking (not what I expected). The idea is that Positivity - Heartfelt Positivity can really affect your mood and shift mindset in ways that expand or open your mind which also leads to increased opportunities for creativity.
The biosphere in Montreal reimagined in a creative moment. (EXIF data f22, 1/8s, 78mm, ISO64)
I really liked this idea and wanted to pursue it further, hence picking up the book and reading more about this. The more I read the more I became fascinated by the links between a positive mindset, long term health benefits and increased resilience/expanded mindset or creativity. It made sense to me in that I have found that when I’m in a positive mood, surrounded by natural beauty that I have an increased capacity for problem solving and inspiration for creative thinking (i.e., photography being one example).
The Link Between Positivity and Creativity
I spent some time mulling over these thoughts about negative and positive emotions and their respective expansive and contractive effects. When I’m in a bad place mentally and negative thoughts abound, I find that my worldview closes down and gets very narrow. It’s like the river of well-being that Daniel Siegel writes about (blog post) - I envision the banks of chaos and rigidity getting closer and closer so that it’s harder and harder to navigate down the centre of the river without bouncing off the two banks - that is what it feels like when I’m in a negative spiral.
The mind expanding effects of a positive mindset. (EXIF data iPhone image)
In contrast, when I’m in a positive mindset, I find that the world expands - I am able to view things from both a big picture perspective as well as a micro perspective and in fact I’m able to pivot between these two views quite readily. I also find that I’m able to tap into my resource toolbox more easily and come up with different thoughts and ideas - this relates directly with the idea that a positive mindset helps to foster creative thoughts and actions.
In fact positivity can shift my mindset, mood and actions and not in a false or overly optimistic way.
“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative.” - Positivity - Barbara Fredickson
This quote really resonates with me - when I’m in a heartfelt positive mindset I am more open and receptive to new ideas - new challenges - new approaches.
How this relates to the now
I started to think about how I could apply this to what is happening in my life right now as I’m finding myself stalled creatively and in a bit of a negative funk. Since the bulk of the renovations have been completed and we’re into the wrap up/punch list/deficiency fixing stage, I’ve found that I gravitate to a more overall negative mindset around the renovation - it felt so odd!
What I mean by this is that because we need to focus on identifying things that aren’t working as intended, paint touch ups, and deficiencies in workmanship, it’s put me in a really negative mindset around the renovations. I mean I’m so focused on finding issues that my view of the renovation has narrowed to the point that I often find myself unable to see the overall project and appreciate the improvements, new functionality and beauty of our home. I am stuck focusing on the fact that my cook top is not perfectly level and that the cabinet that houses the garage pail doesn’t “soft close” - I have to push it all the way closed (definitely 1st world problems!).
The wonder I feel when I look at the kitchen granite pattern. (EXIF data iPhone image)
The point I’m making is that my perspective narrowed down as I focused on the deficiencies and so Kory and I have been making a purposeful effort to appreciate the positive changes and the success of all of our hard work over the past 18 months. When we do this, I find that suddenly I’m seeing the overall view of our home - the warmth and coziness that makes it so inviting to us and our guests. How it feels like a gathering place to have friends spend time with us. I also find that when we start to focus on the positive that suddenly we get inspired ideas of how to fix things that aren’t functioning as they should. We also have more capacity and resilience around the time it is taking to get these last minute items resolved. It’s quite amazing really how big of an impact this has on my thought process.
Am I convinced?
Well I think that from my personal experience and from what I’ve read that I am convinced that there are positive (no pun intended) health benefits and increased capacity, resilience and creativity when I’m in a positive mindset. Focusing on increasing or even just keep returning to that frame of mind seems to make sense for improving my wellbeing.
The first step I’m taking is to really lean into my morning ritual of gratitude journaling where I reflect on three things that I am grateful for in my life. Just even doing this can shift my mood to a more positive aspect. I’m also keeping in mind that I’m striving for heartfelt positivity and not forcing an upbeat mood.
Do you consider yourself an optimistic or positive person in general? If so what do you do to foster that mindset? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or drop me a line directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
Sunset over the lake at Jouvence. (EXIF data iPhone image)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
