Grounded or Floating
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My Natural State.
Like this yellow headed blackbird - my natural state is waking early and greeting the day enthusiastically. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/1250s, 600mm, ISO11400 - edited using LR Denoise software)
I think that we all have a go to or more natural state - at least I know that I do. When I was in university I learned about entropy (thermodynamics was not my favourite subject, but this I do remember) - without exerting external force, systems tend to move towards states of higher disorder. Think of most teenagers’ rooms - those clothes and books and junk don’t miraculously put themselves away.
I think that it is similar for my current preference of resting state - in the absence of me exerting effort to maintain an organized and orderly schedule, I tend to feel like everything gets wildly out of control. In fact I like to think of myself as a homebody - one who enjoys a routine and familiar surroundings and people. I have written about being an introvert before and how I like to interact in small groups - going for depth rather than quantity with respect to building relationships. I might even go so far as to say that I like to be rooted, grounded, or firmly fixed in my location and habits.
Well I do until I don’t.
The Inherent Tensions of Life
Abstract image of autumn leaves in a forest reminds me of Northern Lights dancing across the sky. (Multiple exposure of 3 images merged in Photoshop)
What I mean by “well I do until I don’t” is that there is a contrasting side of my nature that really enjoys exploring and experiencing new things. It’s scary and a bit nerve wracking for me, but once I get over that initial trepidation - I enjoy myself and I’m having the time of my life. Getting curious and learning new things and skills - finding facets of my personality that are usually in the shadows - it is exhilarating and expansive - making me feel almost like I’m floating or flying up above the earth. Quite some distance from that rooted or grounded side of me that craves the comforts of routine and familiar places.
This floating side of me fills some hidden need for me to have new experiences - until suddenly it doesn’t. I’m left feeling a yearning for the familiar - for home - for routine. I have spoken to other’s with a similar bent and they agree that they can handle being away from home and routine for about 3 weeks maximum before they start to feel out of sorts and crave the routine.
This yo-yo trend seems to play out as a cyclic pattern in my life forming an inherent tension between these two seemingly opposite sides to my personality. The tension only really shows up on the shoulders of the two extremes - for most of the time I’m quite content with being either rooted or floating. It is that in between state that feels quite disquieting.
When Floating Felt Like My Natural State
There was one period in my life when I was in an extended period of floating that lasted almost four (4) years - that was when we lived in Aberdeen, Scotland on a work assignment. We were not sure how long the posting would last or what would happen during our time abroad. For me this is an unusual state to be in - full of uncertainty, but also the excitement of something new.
I recall how we embraced the newness and the uncertainty and the excitement as much as possible - our temporary state didn’t seem to bother us as much as I anticipated it would. We were definitely out of our normal routine with things changing all of the time.
One thing that I did note was how much more settled I felt once our familiar belongings arrived - strangely our artwork had the biggest impact on me for creating a semi-grounded state.
American Avocets in a courtship dance - a state I enjoy in my relationship with Kory. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/1250s, 600mm, ISO800)
In fact once we returned to Canada I went through a strange rehoming stage that lasted about six months. Somehow I no longer felt like I belonged and my old routines were no longer satisfying. I had to take time to incorporate some of the new routines I’d adopted and also to spend time creating some new routines to add to my repertoire.
Unsurprisingly it didn’t take too long for me to transition back to the grounded state with new routines established and in place, but I did retain some of the aspects of long term floating that had sustained me during the four years away. I think that this period of time helped me to become somewhat less rigid and to really value the connections that I have made in my life. I know that I certainly valued my relationship with Kory and the time we spent together even more than before we left Canada.
Flux - A More Common State
A Mountain Bluebird taking wing from its seasonal home base. (EXIF data f7.1, 1/1250s, 600mm, ISO400).
It seems I’m not alone in this tendency to live life in a flip flopping state of being. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying The Old Ways by Robert Macfarlane (this is one of those books that was recommended by a friend following these blog posts) which is a wonderful story about the experiences of the author as he follows various paths both locally and far flung from his home - he even follows unseen paths across waterways.
He speaks of the tension of spending time between a tree (rooted) and a bird (flying) and how these states are equally appealing and disquieting. I really enjoyed his explanation of these two states and how they are a metaphor of our relationship to the world around us.
The tree (immoveable) and the bird (migrant) are among the two most distinctive presences in his (Thomas’) writing; the forest (stable) and the path (mobile) its two most distinctive landscape features; and the root (delving downwards) and the step (moving onwards) its two contrasting metaphors for our relations with the world. (Robert McFarlane - The Old Ways).
There is some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in my desire for quiet groundedness and my craving for new excitements.
Feeding the Yearning
Really being present and seeing the small micro changes matters. Macro image of mycena mushrooms. (EXIF data f16, 1/200s, 105mm, ISO1000)
For me the key to finding balance and not spending too much time in the shoulder states (those times of disquiet as I long for something new and fresh or calm and soothing) is to really be aware of and listen to what is going on inside. The more I pay attention and become attuned to my internal voice the more I’m able to notice those small signals that indicate I’m become restless and yearning for either groundedness or a bit of excitement from floating. Being able to act upon these signals before they blossom into feelings of anxiousness also helps me to minimize the time I spend in the unsettling shoulder states.
I also find that acting upon these internal signals helps me to fully appreciate and enjoy whatever state I find myself in without the distracting anxiety of the shoulder state.
What Are My Takeaways?
I definitely try not to label either the grounded or floating state (or even the shoulder states) as good or bad. Doing so seems to attach some sort of judgement to my experience. Leaning into the current state and enjoying it for what it is while also knowing that it will likely be where I’m at for a limited duration of time helps me to feel comfortable and confident with where I am at.
Do you find yourself oscillating between grounded and floating states and if so do you go through a similar transition that can be disquieting? I’d love to hear about your thoughts in the comments below or send me a note directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
A yellow headed blackbird greeting the day and staying grounded on its solid perch. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/200s, 600mm, ISO11400 - noise reduction software used in LR)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
