Taking Time For Me
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Prioritizing Myself.
I’m not sure when I first realized that I was putting myself incredibly low on my priority list - powering through to meet everyone else’s expectations (or what I believed to be everyone else's expectations) and then hitting a wall and not being able function effectively. This yo-yo/rollercoaster way of getting through the week really took its toll over time. I felt perpetually exhausted with low energy and at times I would just have to shut down and allow my energy levels to come back to a functioning level.
Everything is good until suddenly…..things go off the rails and eruptions occur like this geyser. (EXIF data f7.1, 1/1250s, 200mm, ISO400, -1.0EV)
It took a long time for me to really understand that not prioritizing myself resulted in me not being much use to anyone - especially me. I had to make a deliberate decision to focus on taking care of myself in order to enable me to effectively take care of those around me. Easier said than done.
I come from a long line of “just get it done”/“power through” people - it has been my go to mantra for most of my life. I am able to totally block out signals from my body that tell me enough which is not a great thing to do long term. Over time my body has found ways of increasing the volume and I’m now really paying for repetitive injury types of conditions or long ignored injuries - oh but if I knew when I was younger the things I know now!
I have had to make a conscious decision to take time out of every day for self care. Brene Brown talks about the marble jar and how small everyday acts build trust and fill the jar with marbles - I like to extend this to myself and how small acts of kindness to myself every day allow me to fill my jar with goodness and energy - which in turn allows me to have the reserves to give to those I care about. To me it’s about building trust in myself that I matter - that I am worthy of self care.
It doesn’t have to take a lot of time, but it does signal to my brain that I am important - that I am worthy.
What Does Self Care Look Like?
I have found that self care has evolved over time - initially I focused on daily meditation (which I still practice regularly - just not always daily). We use an app called Waking Up by Sam Harris which has a huge amount of resources as well as a daily 20 minute meditation. Some people prefer quiet time without any prompting for their meditation time and I find that I like both guided and non guided mediations. It’s a time for me to quiet my mind and focus on not letting my thoughts run wild. Some days I spend the entire 20 minutes resetting my attention, however I count that as a successful investment of time in being aware of my thoughts and focusing on my wellbeing.
Spending time meditating encourages me to be present and carry this mindset through the rest of the day. The idea of being present seems to be a common theme through my self care routine. I think that for so long I have practiced avoiding being present to be able to “power through” and it’s taking some very focused care to retrain my brain to be present and experience things fully in the moment.
Kory and I often do PIES (which stands for Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual) which is checking in with your inner self and ranking how you feel on a scale from 1 - 10 in each of these areas. Sometimes we just share the number, but other times we spend time explaining why we feel that way and what we need. It’s a great way to connect. I also find that it helps me to know where I need to focus my attention for optimal daily wellbeing.
Photography from a kayak takes concentration and balance. (EXIF data 400mm, f6.3, 1/400s, ISO.
I add in my gratitude journaling first thing in the morning and last thing before sleep to my self care routine. I find that this helps me to stay grounded and reflect on what I have to be thankful for. I have been doing this for almost 10 years and it makes such a difference to my mental state. Interestingly, I have taken a break from doing this over the past 3 months and I find that I am missing this daily routine. I have been finding myself drifting into negative mental cycles that journaling seems to help calm. (Note to self - pull out gratitude journal and restart this habit)
I would include my strength training and barrel sauna time into my self care routine as these actions reflect a focus on my health and I would also include photography walks as part of my mental health routine.
I end my day with caring for my ears and eyes - starting with care for my new hearing aid followed by my Umay eye mask for dry eyes and ending with cleaning my eyes. Oh and now add teeth to this routine as I’ve started wearing Invisalign trays to straighten my teeth and correct a grinding issue that is wearing away my front teeth.
Looking over this list - it’s a lot and it takes a considerable amount of time. However, it does not need to be a rigid list or an onerous one - all of the items on the list help me to feel more energized and good about myself (note the wording does not need to be).
Time For a Shift
I do admit that it takes time to go through these routines and I have found that over time I keep adding activities to my self care routine which not only take up a lot of time out of my day, but also create some stress trying to remember to do them all - it also has become more rigid over time - as in I must do these things. When you need a list to remind you to do all things to take care of yourself in a day - you might (ok I might) have a problem. (Remember I did admit to having an All or Nothing Mentality).
It took a bit of self reflection to recognize that this was counter productive and adding to my daily stress (yes there is still stress in retirement - mostly self generated, but still stress). It is interesting how something that starts out feeling good and restorative can over time shift to become a mental “should” that feels more oppressive. It was time to make another shift.
I spent some time making a list (yes I do love lists) of all of the things that I could do in a day for self care and I really delved into how important they are to me - trying to get to a short list of critical daily habits that really make a difference for me. I challenged myself to get this critical list down to 2 or 3 items as that felt doable on a daily basis. The rest became like a menu of self care items that I could choose from depending upon what I felt that I needed and how much time I wanted to spend (or was able to spend) on myself that day.
My ideal morning coffee location - Chula Island Camp in Zambia - oh how I miss those mornings. (EXIF data iPhone image)
This shift from have to do items to choices of how best to support myself with my self care routine has had a profound impact on me. Suddenly things moved from “have to do” to “want to do” and that simple shift lightened my experience significantly.
I have a pile of books sitting on a table beside me in the library and most mornings I get up and have coffee in here as I greet the day. I used to feel that I had to read from each book in order to stimulate some mental thought, but now I look at the books and decide which one (if any) I want to read today. Sometimes I just sit and enjoy my coffee as I watch the sky lighten up as the sun rises - enjoying some meditative time.
The rest of my self care routine unfolds in a similar fashion as I contemplate what would best support me that particular day.
Current Focus
How this unfolds is that I look inwards and reflect what I need to show up as the best version of myself rather than assuming that I need to do “x, y and z” every day. Some self care items show up routinely, whereas others are more intermittent.
Resting on the veranda at KIRA with my swollen foot up after a morning in the gardens at Kingsbrae in New Brunswick. (EXIF data iPhone image)
For instance, right now I’m battling a tendonitis issue in my left foot, so long photography walks or rucking hikes are sort of counter productive and out of the question. Instead I am spending time focused on strengthening my foot and hips as well as gentle stretches and rest to support my healing. This also affords me time to spend editing photographs and writing - all items on my self care menu that I get to choose from.
I’m sure that this focus will shift again as my foot returns to normal operation, but I’ll likely continue with strengthening and flexibility training into the future to prevent a recurrence of this very painful condition.
I’m Worth It
One thought that continues to pop into my mind recently is that investing time and energy into my well being is not just a nice to do thing, but a critical part of my longevity and quality of life. Ensuring that I’m able to function well into my senior years. Failure to invest time into me right now will mean a lower quality of life later on and quite honestly - I’m more than worth that investment of time and effort. I just need to keep a handle on balancing what I do so that it remains an enjoyable choice.
Have you got any self care routines that work well for you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or drop me a message directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
A lone ginkgo tree leaf hanging on and basking in the morning sunlight - now that is self care. (EXIF data 200mm, f2.8, 1/250s, ISO400 -1.0EV).
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
