Numbing
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Avoiding feeling emotions.
The definition of numbing is - depriving one of feeling or responsiveness which seems like a good thing when you’re visiting the dentist for a root canal, but not so good in other situations. Taken to an extreme, numbing can result in addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling - any number of negative compulsive behaviours. Seeking professional help to address these behaviours is a healthy and loving gesture to oneself.
There are less extreme/less obvious or perhaps more accepted numbing behaviours such as mindless eating/snacking, binge watching tv, shopping, cleaning or reorganizing. To me, numbing is any behaviour I engage in so that I don’t have to face uncomfortable feelings/situations - mine go to numbing behaviours are mindless snacking and compulsive cleaning or organizing. On the surface these may seem harmless behaviours, but when they interfere with processing emotions or problems then they can block me from resolving the underlying situations.
For example, I can get myself so worked up trying to avoid something that I feel compelled to tidy, reorganize or clean - it’s a long standing behaviour with me and I can remember after a heated argument feeling a driving need to rearrange my room when I was growing up. I would pull everything out of my closet and drawers and refold/rehang and clean everything. My bed would get moved to another location in the room (this tended to be problematic when I was sharing a room with my sister) and several hours later I would feel exhausted, but somehow relieved and ready to face the situation, or continue avoiding it - whichever was easiest.
Winter ICM scene with the snow blowing in a chaotic manner. (EXIF data f20, 1/4s, ISO80, 100mm)
Exam time was a big trigger for this behaviour with me - I would have to have a tidy study area before I could begin work and if I was particularly anxious about an exam then this tidying could expand to a full reorganization.
This behaviour has become so ingrained in me that it still raises its head periodically - I will feel that everything is a mess or in confusion and then comes a driving desire to tidy/organize/clean/clear out/start fresh. In reality this behaviour is my way of creating a distraction from having to face the issue at hand. It’s my way of dealing with the stress, boredom or whatever is causing me to want to distract my brain, but it isn’t productive in addressing the root cause of the numbing.
What’s happening when we numb?
Numbing is usually a defense mechanism implemented by our brain to protect us from feeling overwhelmed or overloaded by difficult emotions and it can sometimes stem from being bored by monotonous activities. What starts out as a positive short term protective measure can potentially lead to long term issues if it continues for a long period of time or is repeated frequently. Depending upon our numbing vice of choice, it can lead to financial, health problems or even just wasting our precious time away.
When we use numbing to avoid uncomfortable emotions there is an even darker consequence - as Brene Brown puts it:
“We cannot selectively numb emotion. If we numb the dark, we numb the light. If we take the edge off pain and discomfort, we are, by default, taking the edge off joy, love, belonging, and the other emotions that give meaning to our lives.” – (Brene Brown in “Dare to Lead”)
Numbing is like a monochrome image - devoid of the brightness of colours. (EXIF data f5, 1/800s, 50mm ISO100).
Another key side effect of numbing is that it can be habit forming - what starts as an occasional protective behaviour which we convince ourselves is harmless or helping the situation can escalate to the point of taking over our lives and be quite debilitating.
Is numbing ever beneficial? As it originates from a defence mechanism in the brain, I believe that there are situations where it is beneficial to provide short term relief from an overload situation. However, the situation still needs to be faced and addressed, so numbing should never become the solution - that is when it tips over into a destructive habit.
What can we do to reverse these behaviours or at least dial them back?
One of the biggest challenges I’ve had since retiring is addressing my tendency to mindless snacking/eating. I’ve found myself feeling strong snack food cravings come on at about 2-3 in the afternoon and if I’m not careful I find myself at the bottom of a sleeve of crackers or the bottom of a bag of tortilla chips (my cravings seem to be primarily salty and crunchy foods).
One of the primary steps to alter numbing behaviours is awareness - sounds obvious, but not always so easy. Take my mindless snacking example - how do I know it’s not hunger? Well hunger generally comes on gradually and any number of foods will satisfy hunger - we’re not particularly picky about what we eat when we’re hungry. When it’s something specific we want to eat and it comes on rapidly - as in I need some sugar or something savoury right now! That’s generally associated with emotional eating or numbing.
Being able to slow down and be present like the snail. (EXIF data f13, 1/100s, 120mm, ISO 1600).
So the first step is recognizing that I’m not actually hungry, but emotionally eating and trust me it has taken a lot of work to get to the point of being able to pause long enough to have these thoughts rather than mindlessly reach for that snack bag.
Lately I’ve been trying to identify when this is happening and then pause long enough to make an intentional decision about whether I want to eat the food or not. Again this is a big shift - sometimes I make the decision to eat the snack, but I make sure that I’m doing it intentionally and not mindlessly eating - this has helped to slow down the amount that I am snacking.
I also try to intercept the drive to numb - what I mean is slow down enough to really contemplate what’s behind the drive to numb. What am I trying to avoid or distract myself from. On a good day I sit with the uncomfortable feelings and “ride the wave” of emotions and by then I usually don’t want to numb anymore.
What’s helped?
I’ve found that journaling has been really helpful for identifying trends and patterns in behaviour. This has led me to figure out that the compulsive need to snack at 2-3pm is really related to a work habit. When I was working I would find I had an energy dip at about that time of the day and I would usually have a snack to tide me over until I got home.
The continuation of this behaviour appears to be more about missing the structure and routine of work. I think that the “chaos” of the last six months during the renovations has really thrown my retirement routine off and I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed by the chaos in our lives since the move (so glad that is abating now). The snacking or numbing behaviour helped me to distract myself from those feelings and tap into a time when I felt more in control and organized (remember I’m also a compulsive organizer when I’m feeling out of sorts).
Giving in to that mid afternoon snack attack. Grizzly bears in the Khutzeymateen. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/640s, 800mm, ISO1600, -1.0EV)
Just acknowledging that I’ve been numbing with food and the underlying emotions that are driving this behaviour has been enlightening for me to admit. It has helped me to make some different choices to avoid that energy trough - by things such as planning in walks or other activities at that time of day. I’ve also found that flattening my glucose curve (see this blog post) has been beneficial for reducing the cravings for snacks, but really it has been sitting with the uncomfortable feelings and figuring out what is going on inside that has really helped.
Rather than avoiding the uncomfortable feelings I’ve embraced them and I’m working through more healthy ways of processing the overwhelming feelings that I have been experiencing. I haven’t got it all figured out, but I am feeling a whole lot better about things and I’m not reaching for the snack bag as frequently.
What is the best solution?
I’ve found that the best way to combat the desire to distract or numb is to be fully present in my body and not avoid uncomfortable feelings. I’m a whole lot more resilient and resourceful than I often give myself credit and when working through overwhelming feelings feels too much - there’s always my support network ready to talk me through a rough patch.
Mindful photography has been a wonderful way of addressing these uncomfortable feelings - I find that spending time in nature and really seeing the world around me helps me to stay grounded and present. I’m not avoiding the feelings or situation, but rather taking some time to gain perspective. Ironically when I come back from a photography walk I often have worked through a solution or possible solutions to the situation. At the very least I’m ready to tackle the situation in a better frame of mind.
Ok it’s time to weigh in - what is your numbing vice of choice - are you a snacker or a binge TV watcher? What about online shopping? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or reach out to me directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
Growth comes not from avoidance, but from facing difficulties head on. (EXIF data f5.6, 1/60s, 120mm, ISO160, +0.33EV)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
