Elders’ Wisdom
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Impromptu Life Lesson
I do love when the universe feels the need to provide me with a strong life lesson and there is no warning that it is coming my way. These lessons tend to knock me on the head and get my attention - quickly. When I take the time to stop and really pay attention then the lesson tends to go easier, however I must admit to rarely being wise enough to do that.
I’m more of a quickly assess the facts and take action kind of woman - yes this habit has gotten me in trouble a time or two and I’ve been working on slowing down and being more intentional about what actions (if any) I take. Slowing down, getting curious and spending more time gathering facts tends to change the way I view a situation and how I go about responding.
All of this preamble leads me to a recent flashback (it’s mid December 2025) - sitting in the cozy living room of my mother-in-law, Anne - listening to Christmas music and waiting to see an orthopaedic surgeon. The original plan was for me to travel to Saskatchewan to photograph snowy owls for a few days and then whisk Anne back to Calgary for Christmas and New Year. A much anticipated visit as we enjoy spending time with Anne.
Male snowy owl taking off from a snow covered prairie field. (EXIF data f6.3, 1/1250s, 840mm, ISO400).
Well just before I was planning to travel we got a message from Anne that she had hurt her ankle and it was quite swollen. A trip to the ER with a good friend of hers resulted in a small ankle bone fracture diagnosis - wear a supportive brace and keep the foot elevated.
Suddenly the focus of my trip shifted from chariot driver to supportive helper as Anne navigated the first few days of limited mobility.
It's not until you can’t that you realize how much you want to.
I enjoy spending time with Anne and having good conversations as well as mini shopping sprees (her town has some wonderful stores and I’ve gotten to know the owners over the years) - however this trip was different. I spent the first day getting some groceries and generally trying to help Anne stay off her foot - no easy task.
The world becomes a confusing place like this early morning reflection, when you’re not able to be self sufficient. (EXIF data f4, 300mm, 1/200s, ISO1200)
You try to get through a day without walking around and you’ll suddenly find that there are dozens of things that you need your mobility for. Getting up to go to the bathroom, showering, cleaning your teeth - even getting in and out of bed - getting dressed - all things that we take for granted and prefer not to have someone else do it for you. Add to that the fact that having someone try to take care of you goes against Anne’s (and my) independent nature. We’re very self sufficient women and in our minds we should just be able to do all of those things easily and for ourselves.
What an interesting day of realizations - how challenging it is to have someone do things for us that we feel we should be able to do for ourselves. Anne suddenly exclaimed that maybe this injury was a prime opportunity for her to learn to accept help. I could really relate as I have such difficulty asking for and accepting help.
It really got me thinking about my goals for improving and maintaining mobility to be able to do the things that I enjoy - so important! (I wrote about it here)
Wise people in my life
The time I spent as a temporary caregiver got me to thinking about the situation from Anne’s perspective - the perspective of a parent - an elder and wise woman who is used to being in the position of providing advice and care. How difficult it is to feel those roles shifting and changing (even temporarily).
It got me questioning how we and more importantly how I view elders in my life - do I really listen to them? Do I seek out and respect their wisdom? Or do I downplay, inadvertently overlook, ignore or marginalize the experience of elders? I don’t like to think that I do, but are there instances where that may be their perception of me?
Elders’ wisdom is valued and passed on verbally in the Haida culture. (EXIF data f7.1, 100mm, 1/200s, ISO100).
I see this happening around me more frequently today and in fact I feel it happening to me personally with greater frequency - I used to be the person who was asked for help or guidance, but now I sometimes feel that I get overlooked - seen as being too old and not up to date or up to speed on things. It’s not a dire situation, but I can feel it coming on gradually.
It seems to me that life and technology has advanced so quickly that we use this as an excuse to ignore elders - they can’t possibly understand the complexity of today’s world, so why should we bother to engage with them on these matters.
In fact this is so untrue - their life experiences (heck my life experiences) are rich and deep. Their knowledge is worth listening to and there are so many parallels to be drawn from their history and what is going on today. Often elders have seen a thing or two and can provide that big picture or historical perspective - they are focused on the foundations and the basic values of life rather than being caught up in the bustle and minute details - their view tends to be rooted in what we need and what is good for us and the world rather than the more self centred focus we have as younger individuals - it’s definitely worth a listen.
Remembering my dad….
During the last ten years of her life my mother’s daily routine was gradually overcome by her dementia and my father became her primary caregiver. Up until that point my mother had taken care of most of their day to day living (finances, meal planning, household chores - my father was the primary breadwinner for most of their marriage - they were from a very different generation), but that all changed as she became unable to carry on with those tasks.
Richard Rohr (a favourite of mine) talks about how our knowledge and understanding of things comes from acknowledging that the more we know the more we recognize we have so much more to learn - we gain knowledge from awareness of this ignorance, life experience and learning from our wiser elders.
“learned ignorance - we don’t know more than we know” - (Richard Rohr - Just This)
I can recall getting emails from my dad with all sorts of everyday questions - looking for tips and tricks around preparing meals, shopping for ladies clothing and even what shampoo to buy. Then came a series of reflective emails where he started imparting some of his pearls of wisdom from a life well lived. These were always so much fun to read.
An old photo of me and my dad. iPhone photo of an old picture.
He had a way of sharing information and to this day I often hear my father’s voice in my head imparting some gem that has helped me to navigate my life. An early one that always stuck with me was to get to know everyone you work with no matter their position in the company - they all have value and wisdom deserving of acknowledgement. He often focused attention on those behind the scenes people where he worked - treating them with dignity and respect because that is how he was - no one was beneath him/ or better put - he was not above anyone in status.
This played out very importantly in my work life especially as I was very aware that I worked in collaboration with others in my team and throughout my company - I was definitely not a lone star. Showing respect and appreciation of the work done by everyone in the company helped me to connect with co-workers. I also extended this out to those working in the corrosion and integrity management field - sharing information across companies to help prevent failures benefited our industry and beyond which is something that I appreciated about this group of professionals.
Identity
I recently had an interesting realization about my own journey into the second half of life (I’ve written about the second half of life in this blog post) when I was at an evening social event. It was a wonderful gathering of women just connecting and getting to know each other better. At one point in the evening we paused and everyone did an introduction - i.e., their name and something interesting about themself.
I found it curious to listen to the descriptions women shared and how age had a factor in the things that were shared. My observation was that younger women tended to introduce themselves by identifying their educational degree (I’m an engineer, a biologist, a lawyer etc.), or their family/number of children. When it came to my turn I noticed that I didn’t talk about my education or qualifications - it just didn’t occur to me that this was something interesting about myself - it feels like this is another part of my life and not how I identify myself now.
I stated that I’m retired and that while I’m very introverted I’ve been trying to put myself out there and form more connections with people around me - I then proceeded to identify connections within the group that were a pleasant surprise to me. For me this was a very vulnerable statement to make, but it felt more authentic at this stage of my life than saying I’m an engineer (though I no longer practice), or that I’m a photographer (though I do this as a hobby) - to me those are things that I did or do rather than how I identify myself.
High key self portrait. (EXIF data delay timer on a tripod with purposeful soft focus - f3.5, 1/20s, 85mm, ISO800)
It got me thinking about how we define ourselves and why we apply labels the way we do. I know that I have and do use labels to define myself - as though it conveys all sorts of information without me having to put in the effort to share parts of my history. I think it is also a way to establish our situation or experience within a group - I don’t mean this in a negative way - I think it is something that we do as humans to help make those connections.
Talking about children is a great way for people to connect and identify common ground as is identifying what one does for a living - two women in the group found out that they are nurses and immediately spent time sharing all sorts of common experiences.
I think identity is something that is fluid and changes throughout our lives - at least it has been for me. I would hate to be stuck rigidly in a confining set of descriptors that define me.
Pearls of Wisdom
I appreciate having mentors and elders in my life - those who can impart knowledge and provide comfort and stability by their presence and depth of experiences. There is something special about seeing elders in a community being held in high esteem and valued for their contribution.
Have you had special mentors or elders who have played an important role in your life? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or drop me a note directly by clicking on the Connect With Me button.
Ancient coastal forests and indigenous cultures based on elders’ wisdom is part of our country’s rich heritage. (EXIF data f6.3, 400mm, 1/250s, ISO400)
I hope you’ll come back soon, share a cuppa, relax and enjoy more of my musings.
